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The Relationship Compass – Should You Be Headed Into or Out of Your Relationship

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The only investors staying the course are those with a broken compass.”

— from an ad for BNY Mellon

When I saw this ad it immediately made me think about people who enter and/or stay in unhealthy, unhappy relationships. Some people seem to have a broken Relationship Compass. They enter relationships with people they shouldn’t be with or they stay in relationships they shouldn’t stay in. Let’s look at some of the reasons this happens.

The family that you grew up in might have set a model for relationships that isn’t a good model. It could be a family where there was violence, hostility, intimidation, alcoholism, etc. If this is what you grew up with, then this is what you might consider “normal” or inevitable. If that’s the case, then you could tolerate, accept, or expect such unhealthy things to exist in your own relationships.

The culture that you grew up in could have taught you to expect or tolerate things that shouldn’t exist in a healthy relationship — like sexism, alcoholism, violence, etc. In this case, even if you recognize what’s wrong, you may consider those things the “natural” or inevitable components of relationships.

The family or culture that you grew up in might have told you that leaving relationships is unacceptable, intolerable, unforgivable, or immoral. In this case, even if you figure out that the relationship is a bad place to be, you may believe that you must not or cannot leave it.

Cultures in which obedience or submission are values, particularly in women, give the intentional message that the vows are unconditional, and that there is no justification ever for terminating them, since decision-making isn’t within your power.

Cultures or religions in which the vows are considered unconditional compacts make it clear that terminating a relationship is unacceptable without exception. This can be a moral or religious issue where there is never a justification for “breaking a solemn promise”.

Families sometimes say, explicitly, things like, “You made your bed; now lie in it.” In this case the belief is that choices are irrevocable and that mistakes are uncorrectable. There is even a message, explicit or implicit, that you should be punished for having made a mistake.

There could be compelling reasons to stay even if you feel it’s an unhealthy place to be.

If you believe (accurately or erroneously) that you can’t support yourself or your children if you leave a bad relationship, you may feel you must stay. This consideration sometimes trumps any consideration for the toxic quality for you or your children of remaining permanently in an unhealthy situation.

If you fear retribution if you even attempt to leave, then staying may feel safer than leaving. Even with the increasing availability of sanctuaries for people who leave abusive situations, not everyone is convinced that safety can be ensured if they leave.

If you fear that you will be rejected by extended family, friends, or society if you leave, you may stay because you fear ostracism from your support system. It can feel safer, and even more comfortable, to remain in an unhealthy situation and retain your social network than it would be to leave and be isolated socially.

Sometimes people believe that the natural course of relationships involves phases during which the relationship is not good or positive and that this is just the way it is, either temporarily or as a permanent evolution of the relationship.

If this is a temporary situation AND it is addressed by one or both partners, that’s not necessarily troublesome or a reason to consider exiting the relationship.

If it’s been an increasingly negative trajectory, this should not be assumed to be the natural course of relationships. Healthy relationships get BETTER over time, not worse. As partners mature and as they increasingly learn how to be better partners, healthy relationships grow stronger, more positive, and more loving. (Sometimes that’s because there was in fact a rough patch that they navigated in healthy and growthful ways.)

Serious relationships deserve serious consideration and substantial effort before they’re terminated. I am not advocating precipitous action to terminate a relationship because there’s a rocky moment or even problematic behavior or interaction.

I am suggesting that for some people, because of history, training, or personality, or because of fear, loyalty, or unreasoning hope, sometimes the Relationship Compass points IN when it should, more self-respectfully, point OUT.

How To Cope With Loneliness In Your Long Distance Relationship

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The weekends and times around the holidays can prove especially hard for those in a long distance relationship. You may feel like others who are coupled are having the time of their life, all wrapped up and cozy with their loved one. Accepting the fact that you will have periods of loneliness is the first step towards working to overcome them!

It is important to recognize the chain of events that cause feelings of loneliness to set in. This can be doing an activity by yourself that you may usually associate doing as a couple such as seeing a movie, dining out, or viewing a favorite show on TV. By recognizing why you are feeling lonely, you can then work towards meaningful activities that will minimize the loneliness as well as encourage your growth and strength as an individual.

Your long distance relationship can suffer if your emotional needs are not met. As can happen in any relationship, we can become so preoccupied with managing the relationship as a couple, that we neglect ourselves and discount the importance of doing some things alone. The following are a few ideas to help overcome the inevitable feelings of aloneness that will come up during the separation from your partner:

plan a life for yourself outside of your distance relationship

create an active life with friends – this may include renewing past friendships

return to hobbies that used to provide enjoyment (cooking, knitting, ceramics)

try a new sport or resume one that you previously found challenging and fun

indulge yourself by visiting a spa

workout at a gym

volunteer by reaching out to others

try a creative outlet such as painting, writing in a journal, or taking a dance class

visit a new restaurant – you can always order it as “take out”

do something by yourself or with a friend that your partner would not normally enjoy doing

delve into areas of interest that you have previously not found the time for

find a companion who can also serve as an advisor – particularly if this person is also in a distance relationship so that similar backgrounds and feelings can be shared and understood

By keeping an active life style while separated from your partner, you will benefit in several ways – you will come across as a more interesting and fun person to be around, and will find yourself able to contribute and share with more depth when you do get together with your loved one.

Although loneliness can accompany you for some of the ride, your long distance relationship should not suffer as a result. There are many ways to deal with these feelings and by doing so, it will help you become a more compelling and exceptional partner!

My Boyfriend is Not Loyal to Me 6 Means to Fix Unfaithfulness Problem

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My lover is not Loyal to Me “, a girl assumed. Before you tell the break up idea and shatter her feelings more, attempt to advise these six steps to salvage the mutual understanding.

Your closest colleague whos sitting right in front of you, broke the news of unexpected betrayal. It was obvious she was trying to hold back the painful tears of unfaithfulness. Feeling angered, you wanted to convince her to dump him but that was quite harsh to tell to someone who puts so much hope in a relationship. So you thought of alternatives that would iron things out for her.

Feel the pain.

When someone you love fools around, you either get so disappointed it hurts you or so mad it hurts you still. The bottom line is theres no way of escaping the pang of disloyalty. Instead of refusing to admit it, acknowledge its within you. Sob your heartaches out, write every letter of pain in your diary and yes, you may show that sad look on your face. Not recognizing the anguish wont get you to the solution of the problem.

Dont put yourself down.

The issue may affect your self-esteem and it may cause self-pity. When feelings like these tend to develop, give yourself some respect, the value that he should have observed in your relationship. Stop thinking somebody else deserves his affection because of your flaws. Blaming yourself solely for his dissatisfaction will only hinder you from evaluating events and facts.

Have a break.

When youre not prepared to see your partner yet, do something else to reinvigorate yourself. An old hobby, a hilarious movie or a good read might temporarily ease your misery. But be reminded that prolonging this wont solve the real issue. If you continue presenting yourself in an unaffected mode, he might take advantage of your tolerance and make the situation worse.

Make the confrontation healthy.

The boyfriend-is-cheating-on-me matter wont be resolved by snooping over his emails or text messages to prove what hes guilty of. Without attacking him or defending yourself, discuss what the problem really is. Stay calm during your conversation and buckle up your maddened spirit in the backseat. He must elaborate the factors why he strayed. He will only tell you if you look calm enough to understand. Addressing the behavior and not the person will help you deal with the problem objectively.

Make decisions.

If your boyfriend asks for forgiveness for the hurt he has caused you, dont just let him promise he will never do such mistake again. Ask him to make decisions to strengthen your relationship. Emphasize that doing the same old habits will only put your relationship on the rocks and will not do you any good. He should give details of his appointments and the people hes meeting. As he talks, listen to his words and the underlying intentions. If he isnt, dont let him pull your legs once more.

Rebuild trust.

Regaining lost trust has never been easy. Once your boyfriend two-times you, its just difficult to have faith in him again. Time plays a great factor in healing the wound. You will recover faster though if hes always true to his words in his second chance. If the past continuously haunts you, try to focus on his positive side and your wonderful memories together. Nothing can be done with the past but your heart has instincts whether he deserves your regained trust or not.

When your buddy says, “My boyfriend is cheating on me,” she is certainly having a hard time. Listen to her as she relay the heartbreaking story and remind her that raising the middle finger in anger and kicking him out of her life are not the only alternatives. Who knows, giving him a chance to make up for his stupid mistake might lead your relationship to a stronger path.

How To Steal Your Girlfriend Back From Another Man

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Your girlfriend has broken up with you and now you realize that you still love her. You want to get her back but it is not going to be easy. Why? She has a new boyfriend! If you read this whole article you will learn how this can actually work in your favor. Read on and find out how to get your ex girlfriend back even when she looks happy with her new boyfriend.

What should you do when your ex girlfriend is already dating another guy so she can forget you? We all know that rebound relationships can keep some people forget or skip bitter emotions that comes with breaking up. They are used to help broken hearts recover and move on.

If you think your ex girlfriend is on a rebound relationship this only means that she still has deep feelings for you. And now she is in the process of emotionally escaping from what she truly feels. It is not important why you have broken up or who’s fault the separation was.

Right now, what matters is that you still love each other. Remember, only relationships built and forged by true love can be saved. This will help keep your hopes up in trying to get her back.

Your girlfriend will try to do everything to forget you. If you are “goody-good guy” type, her new boyfriend probably is the “bad boy” kind of guy. She will try to be with someone who is entirely different from the kind of guy you are.

When this happens, it certainly will be in your favor. She may unconciously be thinking of you and focuses her attention on you when she is with the other guy. And, it gives her a chance to figure out what she really wants and searches for.

You should also realize that she is doing this because she is “wanting” and missing something in your relationship. You can use the time she’s with her rebound guy to improve yourself, your character and be suitable to whatever she is looking for.

Don’t worry, she will not forget all about you. On the contrary, as she spends more time with this new guy she will start to notice his “unlikeble” characteristics. This in turn will start to make you look pretty good.

That’s why it is important for you to remember not to crawl back to her right away. Let her miss you. The good side and even the bad side of you.

When your ex girlfriend starts to show any signs that she is interested to getting back with you, show her warmth in welcoming her back. This is exactly what you should do if you really want to get your ex girlfriend back from her new boyfriend.

To summarize, here are the steps you should take:

1. Do not try to convince her that she is better off without the other guy and you are the love of her life. Let her find true love on her own.

2. Say sorry for whatever you have done and mean it. After that, there is no need to apologize repeatedly.

3. Never make false promises that you will change according to what she wants. You are who you are and that’s the reason why she fell in love with you. But don’t forget that it is always better to have room for being a better person than who you are.

4. Never lose your self-respect. Simply put, definitely “NO” begging and pleading just to get her back. Never ask her if she wants to come back to you. Let her make the first move.

5. Don’t despair and lose hope. The rebound relationship she is in right now is just a sign that there is actually hope. It is her way of trying to get over you and let go of the painful feelings that resulted from your break up.

Is Your Ex Love Partner Leading You On For A Making Up Relationship

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Sometimes after a break up your ex will still do things or act as if theyre back in a relationship with you. This can often drag on for a long time while youre hoping the day comes when they will finally want to get back together. Often however, this doesnt happen. Be careful your ex isnt just stringing you along for their own enjoyment.

Here are some signs to watch out for:

Your ex continues to contact you and want you to do things for them even though theyre in. This is common especially when they know you have deep feelings for them and you dont want to let go of the relationship. They are taking advantage of the situation and merely enjoy the attention theyre getting. They continue to tell you they love you and even want to be physical with you, but when asked for commitment, they back away cold. This can be very confusing and hurtful.

Your ex is enjoying the fact that they can have you whenever they want without the responsibilities of a full relationship. They are hanging onto you until something better comes along. Dont allow this to continue. When you always go out of your way to help your ex but when tables are turned, they leave you fending for yourself. If all they do is come up with excuses when you need their help, its time to rethink what youre doing. This is a one-sided relationship, what are YOU getting out of it?

When your ex is genuinely confused about their feelings, in some instances your ex might really be confused about what they want. Sometimes people hate to admit they were wrong in the first place. Your ex might have feelings for you, they might even think theyve made a mistake, but theyre uncertain how to tell you. Its best to get your feelings out in the open and confront your ex. If theyre not just stringing you along, they will honestly not want to hurt you anymore. Want to know how to get your ex to admit they were wrong without them losing face? This would be your situation and you might not even be aware of it.
Win Back Love shows you how to get your ex to do what you want without needing to say a thing to them.

Getting back with your ex could be such a tricky task. There are a lot of do’s and don’t that you have to follow. In order to get your ex to fall back in love with you, you need to do only right things and avoid no-nos. There are only two results you can get: either your ex falls back in love with you and understands how precious you are or he feels strongly that the relationship is indeed over.

Usually, the first step in fixing a relationship and win your girlfriend back is by analyzing what went wrong. Ask yourself if she doesn’t like you in a romantic way anymore, if there is another girl or another guy, if there was a change in her life that made it hard for her to handle a relationship, such as moving to another state to attend college, or if you’ve done things that drove her crazy, like cheating on her or constantly flirting with other girls in the club.

To get your ex to fall back in love with you there are some things you should definitely do or avoid:

Do’s:
1. Take responsibility for your action.
Was the end of your relationship your fault? If it were, for whatever reason, go to your ex-boyfriend and have a heart-to-heart talk. Then apologize. Saying you’re sorry lets your ex knows that you are acknowledging your mistake and that you do so because you still care.

2. Show confidence.
No matter how nasty the breakup is, don’t be afraid to go up to your ex whenever you see him around the neighbourhood. Show him that you are confident with yourself as you were before. Don’t show you are afraid, unsure, or have doubts of what you would say if and when you see him around or talk to him again. Go up to him and act as if there’s nothing wrong or ugly that came between you two. Show him that all is forgiven and you’re willing to start anew.

3. Be the person he fell in love with.
After several months of being in a relationship, you should know by now the qualities your ex-partner liked about you. Keep those traits forward. When your ex sees the person he was in love with, it would be easier for him to take you back than to lose you again forever.

Those are the do’s of bringing back your ex. Now here are the don’ts:

Don’ts:

1. Don’t be over eager.
If you show your ex-partner over eagerness to get back with him there are high chances that you would be played for a fool. Or he could take advantage of you this time around. Show him that you’re cool if you’re back with him and its okay if that won’t happen. Leave the impression that other individuals are interested with you anyway and you just thought you have to give him that elusive second chance.

2. Don’t show your ex that you are desperate.
If you show your ex partner your weaknesses, he will go as far away from you as possible. Why? It is because people don’t want to get involved with weaklings. If you are going to depend on your partner for strength, he will run out of it in the long run. And this is something he doesn’t want to happen. Don’t show your ex-partner your desperation. If you do, he’ll just say that you two are totally over and you just have to accept that and move on.

Carry these out and expect favourable results.

The next and final step in winning her back is by proceeding with the attraction techniques. You have to remember that you shouldn’t directly ask her to get back with you and rekindle things with her but try showing her the things she is missing if you were her boyfriend. What this means is show the positive qualities you have, like being funny, confident and exciting. In short, show her how much fun you can give her.

However, the tips above are just some basics. There are is one eBook on the internet that go much more into detail. A friend of mine got her ex-boyfriend back by using the tips provided in the eBook:

Indeed, life is short. Don’t let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again. I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.